But fear is a natural part of being human. And faith in Jesus is believing that we can trust in an all-loving and all-powerful God beyond every fear. I was a cautious kid, a fearful kid. I was worried about adult problems even as a small child. Walking with Jesus, however, has taught me and continues to teach me to live a life that is no longer controlled by fear.
I even try to overcome small fears in my life, such as my fear of heights. I never went on Ferris wheels as a child and I still feel like I'm going to fall when I snorkel in deep water. In the past few years, rock climbing has become a way for me to have some victory over that fear but even getting to the top of the shortest walls leaves me shaky.
This summer I went rock climbing one day with a friend and we decided to climb the wall with an added challenge. He chose to climb without using his left hand. I chose to climb with my eyes closed.
The strangest thing about that climb was not actually the fact that my eyes were closed. The strangest thing was something I didn't expect- I was calmer than I had ever been while rock climbing. Without seeing anything, I only existed in my current place on the wall. I had no idea how far I had climbed or how much further I had to climb. I focused on one move at a time and focused on how my body distributed it's weight to allow for the next move. I trusted my friend to belay me even if I slipped or fell or made a wrong move.
Later, in prayer, God reminded me of this experience and how it mirrors my life right now. I only exist in my current place on the wall and I cannot even fathom what lies ahead. Sometimes I want God to show me what comes next, but maybe the height of it would seem too high. Maybe it would scare me to see it. Maybe I would try to control things too much or even seek a different route. I know he is asking me, "Do you trust me?" And if I trust a friend to keep me from falling off a wall, how much more can I trust Jesus with my life? And so I enter this time of preparation. Even the act of trusting in Jesus is a preparation. But I can so easily cry out that I don't even know what I'm preparing for or that my life doesn't look how I wanted it to look at 30 years old or everyone keeps asking me what's next. I mean that's a good question. I did just quit my full time job/career and move in with my parents without a plan. The honest answer is: I don't know, but I trust the One who knows. And I'm not afraid... Most of the time.
"So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Isaiah 41:10
