These words, angry and fearful, hurtled at me and struck me like an arrow in my side. I had been planning my second trip to Haiti. It had only been three months after the 2010 earthquake, and scenes of the unimaginable inundated every news station. Here I was, facing my mother in the kitchen, embroiled in another fight about my trip. My parents and brother were incredulous. They regularly looked at me like I was insane or naive, and in their minds, my inability to listen to reason frustrated them to the point of angry arguments. I sometimes dreaded going home, and the tension made me feel like something was slowly crushing my insides.
I watched the same news as they did, but I was not afraid for my safety; I was not afraid for my life. I had already been to Haiti, to Mission of Hope, and knew the organization's commitment to taking the necessary precautions, but most importantly, I was confident in God's protection for me. Still, I believed that the commandment to honor my parents was not to be brushed aside. The conflicting thoughts of what I knew to be true were warring in my head. I thought God was calling me to Haiti, but now I questioned it all. I left the house that night, driving to escape, crying and praying, calling out to God in confusion and doubt.
"Is she right?" I asked, afraid to know the answer. "Is it useless for me to go? Aren't I just a drop in the bucket?"
Then God answered. He told me that this is how he chooses to work-- with drops in buckets. He has filled countless buckets with countless drops since the beginning of time, and he has many more buckets to fill.
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He affirmed my desire to honor my parents but cautioned me about my parent-pleasing nature. Turning the mirror upon my heart, he taught me that my will must be to first please my Heavenly Father even when that made others upset. "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters- yes, even their own life-such a person cannot be my disciple." (Luke 14:26)
He also taught me something that shocked me: the enemy can use even the wonderful and godly people whom I love most in an attempt to stop me from fulfilling God's will. He did not use fear of safety or death, but instead turned to my desire to please, and went after my pride in being the good and obedient daughter.
Jesus told me to follow him, and he would bring peace to the hearts of my family. So I stepped forward, trusting that God could bring peace to the storm raging in my own home. Sure enough, over the months leading up to my departure, Jesus told the storm to "Be still," and my parents knew his peace.
Four years later, I write to say that what God says about drops in buckets is true.
Since then, God has amazed me with what he did with that one little drop. He has multiplied it and multiplied it and joined it with other little drops to fill many buckets. So I leave you with this charge: Let not feelings of insignificance hinder God's work. Do not withhold the drop even if you cannot see what good it would do. It is not always for you to know. Your Father has many more buckets to fill.
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