So as many of you may already know, Jesus had this close group of 12 followers called the Apostles. I am not sure if this is NORMAL, but I have sometimes wondered what apostle I would most relate to if I was rolling with that crew back in Jerusalem.
Maybe there's a Buzzfeed quiz out there for that sort of thing.
But seriously, I realized this week which apostle I most relate to and was honestly surprised by my own answer. You see, I am most like Thomas, better knows as Doubting Thomas, even though he does get a bad rep for being the "doubting one."
Here's Thomas' story:
"Now Thomas, (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, 'We have seen the Lord!' But he said to them, 'Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my fingers where the nails were and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.' A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, 'Peace be with you!' Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.'
Thomas said to him, 'My Lord and my God!' Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
(John 20:24-29)
This story always makes us modern-day believers smile a triumphant smile to ourselves, doesn't it? We are BLESSED, those of us who have not seen and yet believe. Jesus validates and applauds our faith.
But there's more to this story that we often forget about.
Jesus still showed up for Thomas.
Thomas desired to see and touch the risen Christ, to put his fingers in the nail marks and his hand into Jesus' wounds and Jesus shows up, telling Thomas to put his fingers in the holes and hand into his side.
Jesus loved Thomas and knew his heart. He knew how Thomas was created, how he was wired, and Jesus shows up for him because he loves Thomas. Thomas did not just want to hear a first-hand account of the living God; he wanted to experience it for himself. Yes, there is something undoubtedly blessed about the faith of those who never see nor feel nor hear and yet still believe, but me, I'm wired more like Thomas. Jesus knows this and he loves me. I very rarely shrug my shoulders and accept things on blind faith- I need to seek God's face again and again until he shows up. I want to see him and feel him and hear him. My soul thirsts for this. When it comes to a supernatural God and a supernatural faith, I want Jesus to show up.
God is teaching me to ask, to seek, to knock in faith. Part of prayer is just our seeking more of God as he draws us near to him. The more we see of Him, the less we desire lesser things. He is what my heart longs for, and I would argue that Jesus is what your heart longs for even if you aren't sure of it. So don't be afraid to ask him to show up.
And for the record, Thomas just wanted the gift that the other apostles were given, and we have a Father in heaven who delights in giving good gifts, especially his very Son to us.
St. Thomas, pray for us.
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