Prayer Part I: What We Fear Most

A couple weeks ago, I was surrounded by people singing about Jesus, and I heard in my heart a voice whisper, "your prayers are too small."  It called to me like a beckoning, a wink, an invitation into a world I rarely venture.  In light of who God is, who He says He is, and who I say I believe He is, my prayers are too small.

I actually don't think my prayers could ever be too big for God.  So why don't I pray as if I believe that?

I'm afraid.

Although in the past five years God is driving out all fear, I'm often afraid to pray big and dream big with God.  I'm afraid to pray for complete healing and I instead settle for prayers of disease management.  I'm afraid to pray for complete transformation of the hearts of the people around me, of toxic situations I witness, of the evil that I see in the headlines, and instead I pray using nondescript and comforting words.  I pray for better but not for best.  I pray for improvement but not for total redemption.  I tack on "if it is your will" to prayers not just because I desire God's will be done but as a little insurance statement.  Sometimes I pray like I don't expect God will act.

Why am I afraid?

Because what if I begin  praying prayers big enough that if God were to answer them, no one could deny it was anything or anyone but God?  What if we asked for the kingdom to come?  What if we asked for his miracles?  What if we asked for our world to be transformed?  What if instead of asking for help walking in the sand, we asked to walk on water?

But what if I ask in great faith for God to do the impossible, and he doesn't?  What then?  Would my faith be shaken?  Would the faith of those around me crumble?  And so I shrink in fear and pray safe prayers and settle for management instead of begging for healing.  But he WANTS us to ask and INVITES us to ask and whispers to our hearts: "your prayers are too small."

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work win us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."
Ephesians 3:20-21

Image of God

From the top of Mount Washington we saw nothing.  White fog formed a wall around us at the peak, and I could only just see the outline of one of my brothers 10 feet away.  So then, into the white veil we made our descent.  And as we began our hike down, winds began to blow the fog across the mountain so that the ground rose up before us.  Then finally, the veil swept aside and we had our full view of the mountain and the valley.

We stopped.
Awestruck.

And in my heart I wondered, if I spread my arms wide enough, would the wind take me soaring?  How beautiful and marvelous are the works of your hands, Lord.

Moments like this bring me back to one morning when I was 19.  As I beheld the Grand Canyon for the first time.  The canyon appeared piece by piece in a tremendous pink and gold revealing at sunrise, and I had declared that day that it was the most spiritual experience of God in my 19 years.

Throughout my life, few things draw me to praise God and fill me with awe of the Creator like being surrounded by the beauty of his creation.  Whether it is the view from a mountain, a hawk in flight, a thundering waterfall, or a field of wildflowers, the natural world is the art of the Great Artist and a reminder that God is infinite and beautiful and powerful.

This summer, as I beheld the mountain view, I couldn't help but reflect on one truth, however.  Of all the amazing works of God's hands, one creation is set apart.  Only one creation is made in the image and likeness of God himself- human beings.  We bear His very image.

Why, then, do I stand in awe of God when beholding his mountains or oceans or sunrises,  yet I rarely stop to praise God when there is a person in front of me?  Why am I so slow to see the image of God that is imprinted on this very human God loves?  Shouldn't the magnitude of that truth stop me in my tracks and draw my heart to overflowing praise of the God who created them?  Maybe seeing the image of God in the human standing before us is where loving them begins.  Lord, let us see your image made visible.

Dear Reader

I'm back.  And here's why.

I began writing when I was 5 years old.
For ten years or so, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would confidently say, "a writer."  But sometime in high school, someone made me believe that wasn't practical or profitable or real, and so I forgot about my childhood dream entirely.

About 6 years ago, a man I had never met before with a gift of prayer and prophecy and healing prayed over me and then asked, "Do you write?"  I was confused.  Well no, not really, I thought, but somehow I felt I should have a different answer. "God wants you to write," he told me.  That night, I rolled those words around my head thoughtfully as I fell asleep.

Still, I didn't write.  Not for years.  Sure, occasionally I would scribble some thoughts in a journal, but that was all.  Then, in light of the amazing story in Haiti that God had allowed me to take part, I began this blog because His love is for us all, and He wants me to write about it.

I took this blog offline about 8 months ago after someone had read every post and concluded that I deserved all credit and glory for the words it contained.  The distortion of it all and the damage it caused made me retreat into a hole.  Therefore, please take note:

Almost 25 years ago, God gave a little girl the dream of being a writer, and He wishes to use her pen to tell others about His great love story for the world.  This is why I write.  I am no one extraordinary, just an ordinary woman who is loved by an extraordinary God.  Any shred of truth you find here is not my own.  It belongs to the God I serve who chooses to speak to my heart.  All wisdom and insight and goodness and glory belongs to the God who created the universe and knows every heartbeat.  I am human, so what you find here is far from perfect.  Weigh it, test it, forgive my failings, but most importantly, praise the Lord and the Lord alone for all that is good.