Top Ten Firsts of 2016

So if I am being honest, 2016 was a difficult year.  Friends and family lost their children.  The nation and world saw violence and hatred, terrorism and division.  Even so,  I believe that there is hope, and I look forward to a new year.  Bring it on 2017.

I am not very good at New Year's Resolutions, so I made a resolution once to give them up.  Most successful New Years resolution I have ever made!

For the past few New Years Eves, I have instead made a bucket list for the coming year.  It has been an exciting encouragement to try new things, learn new skills, and visit new places.  It gives me an opportunity to dream with God about some of the new things he has for me.  What I have learned is he has so much more than I can imagine.  I realized that 2016 was a year of many firsts for me, and I decided to pick the top ten firsts of this year and give thanks to God for them.  (Some that didn't quite make the list include: first time planting a coconut tree, first visit to Arkansas, and first time on a stand up paddleboard.)

You don't have to read this whole post, but feel free to browse the photos!

Top Ten Firsts of 2016

#10
First time setting a Christmas tree on fire.

My brother and niece watching the blaze.

Best bonfire and another moment spent enjoying the outdoors with my first best friend and partner in adventure, my brother Mike.

#9
First time two-stepping with a stranger.

  

Cute newborn piglets at the Houston rodeo

A handsome stranger too.  It was also my first time at a Texas rodeo, Houston rodeo with Kenny Chesney as the performer.  I owe the memorable and very-Texas experience to my friend Karen Crawford, who truly has a heart the size of her state.

#8
First etsy shop.

Making wooden signs with my assistant artisan.

In the spring, I assigned one of my seniors a fourth quarter project of creating her own Etsy shop.  So, in order to teach it, I created one too.  It isn't very lucrative, but it has been a great way to keep me in touch with an important part of how God created me- a maker and artist.

#7
First film festival.

   

There is arguably no bigger movie fan and critic than my brother Kevin.  So when visiting him in Texas this year, we checked out Austin's South by Southwest (SXSW) film festival.  We saw some famous actors walking about, attended the first public showing of "Keanu," saw street performers and movie fans from across the globe as we roamed the city, and because of Daylight Savings, got back to our hotel around 4AM.


#6
First time outside rock climbing.

This was on my 2016 bucket list!  I went twice, but my first time was with my niece.  I think it was her first climb outside too!

#5
First blind date.

 

Nothing like having some risk in my love life.  This year, I went on my first true blind date.  I walked into a restaurant knowing his height and hair color.  Overall the night was a pleasant surprise, and it was a fun adventure.



#4
First sunrise summit.

This is one of the best memories of my life.  My sister Michelle and I hiked in the dark one summer morning and made it to the top of Mount Monadnock to see the perfect sunrise.  If you know me, you know that there is no greater cathedral that makes me stand in awe of the Creator than the beautiful work he created.  And more perfect than an orchestra beginning a great piece, the day began with the first signs of pink glow on the dark edge of horizon.  I have seen many sunrises, but not sitting atop the world.  "Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, how great Thou art.  How great Thou art."

#3
First time leaving a job without a plan.

 

This doesn't seem like it should make a top ten, but it holds #3 because God is continually teaching me about trusting him, living by faith, and allowing Him to write my story.  I do not know what comes next, but I trust a God who is infinitely good and who loves me completely.



#2
First snowmobile ride in order to ski backcountry powder.

This year, I spent  some of my spring break visiting my cousin Joseph in Colorado.  My favorite part of the trip was riding up on snowmobiles in order to ski some untouched snow.  The feeling of floating through powder is UNREAL and getting to go on an adventure with my cousin, the closest thing to having a big brother, made it even better.

 

#1
And my favorite FIRST of 2016 is....

First nephew.

 

Connor William Lee was born this year, and I am so grateful to get to know my first nephew.  During his first year of life, Connor had a scary infection that brought him to Children's hospital.  As we prayed for his life and cried out to God, I learned that it is only by God's hand and his mercy that life is sustained.  We live in a sick and broken and dying world, and God, and God alone is the life-giver.  Life is a gift, and I am grateful for the little life of Connor.  He is already holding his own in the midst of a very strong Lee girl tribe.  At 9 months, he is walking and yelling and trying to keep up.

Here's to the new! 

Two Nights in a Monastery

Last month, I spent two nights at a Benedictine monastery.  Someone reacted with: "Why would you do that to yourself?"  Apparently, not everyone thinks hanging out at a monastery sounds like a good time.  I took a much needed spiritual retreat, alone, and it was wonderful.  WONDERFUL.  To run down farmland hills and hike through the woods to a stone chapel and drink coffee in view of the mountains is all medicine to my soul.  But the best part was when my racing gerbil-wheel thoughts finally ebbed away, and I could be alone with God, contemplate how good and marvelous and big he is, and know his peace.  I was reminded that life is not about me, that it is God's epic story we are living.

In this year that God has given me for rest, I have done a mediocre job of being restful.  So after months of declaring that I need a retreat, I finally followed through.  I was aching for time alone for prayer and depth and quiet, and I needed to physically pull myself out of my environment, put my phone on airplane mode, and be alone.

At the door of the stone chapel in the woods.

Two things I learned:

1.  In Jesus, all things hold together.  I sat on the hill under perfect blue skies looking out to the mountains in the afternoon.  By the time the sun set, the sky was almost covered, brushed across with purple-gray clouds.  The cloudless sunny day had begun to look stormy in a very short time.  But everything in my tiny spot on earth was created by and held together by God himself.  Multiply that by every tiny spot on the globe.  He knows every sparrow that falls to the ground.  He knows how many hairs are on my head.  God is much much bigger than I usually allow myself to think.  How can I worry?  Why do I fear?  When my life changes from blue skies to stormy, do I not know God is in just as much control?  And (what I need to ask myself daily) why do I think for a moment that this life is about me?  I'm so tiny!

2.  "They lack nothing."  I shared this with a few people last month, but while praying for the group of Catholic monks who live at the monastery, that sentence burned in my heart.  I looked at their lives that so obviously lacked many things we think we need.  They each take a vow of poverty, chastity, and obedience.  They live with few possessions.  They will never marry or enjoy sexual intimacy.  They do not come and go and choose as they please.  Yet, they have declared that Jesus is sufficient.  Indeed, He is, and they lack nothing.  The most well-known Psalm begins, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."  Even some translations say, "I lack nothing."

Although I know in my head that God is enough, and can quote scripture that says so, sometimes I do not feel that way.  Sometimes I act as though he is not sufficient.  And for the single girl, to see this group of men called to lifelong singleness, living and loving in a community of faith, and declaring with their lives: God is sufficient, well, it made my heart soar because I knew with my whole being that it was true.  Because in Christ, I lack nothing.  To live for him is the greatest joy and fulfillment possible, and I was grateful to be refreshed in the mission and adventure that is this life with Him.

If you read this, and you are thinking that you need a retreat, do it!  I believe God is calling many of us, beckoning, "Spend time with me."  Some of you have babies and two nights away is not possible.  Carve out an hour.  I encourage you to unplug.  It is amazing how much our technology contributes to our racing thoughts.

Sometimes I complain that I talk and talk and talk and God isn't answering.  Maybe I need to be quiet, be still, and listen more.  I busy myself when I suffer from a fear of missing out, but after my stay at the monastery, I wonder if maybe I'm missing out on much much more.

Auntie

When I was almost 12, my Auntie Liz became a mom.  My cousin Jen was born, and one of my favorite people began the journey as a mother after almost 20 years of being an auntie first.

My mother is the youngest of 6 girls, so let's just say I have a lot of aunties.  And in my world, it also means that I have had the privilege to grow up around strong, beautiful, courageous, and loving women my entire life.  But I only REMEMBER one auntie being an auntie and not yet a mom, and there is something special about having an auntie like that.

Now that I am an auntie who hopes God will allow me to be a mother someday, I feel like I understand it all a little more.  Being an auntie is something that brings me far more joy than it ever does heartache. I think back to all my memories of my Auntie Liz visiting us.  I remember once, one of my cousins confiding in me, telling me that Auntie Liz was her favorite auntie.  "You can't have a favorite," I told her, but I understood that aunties who were not moms yet always had free hands to hold and adventures to share and presents to give.  And even if I didn't have a favorite, it was still something special.

I remember as a teenager telling a friend that I think it is better to become an auntie before becoming a mom,  I remember trying to express how special I thought it was.   "That won't be me though.  I will probably be the first to have kids."  I am pretty sure that in the moment I said that, I was recalling the mental picture of my brother Mike sitting and farting on my other siblings.  I reflected silently that Mike was probably too immature to get married and have kids for a long long LONG time.  But teenage brothers do grow up, and God often surprises us.

So this is my ode to being an auntie first.  A gift I wished for and never thought I would get.  I learn new things everyday.  I admire my brother and my sister who have gone before into the world of parenting, and watch as they grow into the brave, strong, and beautiful father and mother they were created to be.  And perhaps my favorite part of being an auntie is knowing the newest and smallest people in my life, who remind me not to take myself too seriously, to stop to pick up an acorn long enough to marvel at it, that I'm not too old to make a snow angel in the first inch of snow, and that the world is full of small miracles if I only take some time to look.

I Could Use Some Advice

These past few months have seemed to be categorized best by one tiny bit of text:

?

Yup.  A question mark.

And lately I have felt like banging my head against a wall.

And the more I try to answer the questions, the more questions I have.  The one question-mark in my brain keeps reproducing question-marks that reproduce more question-marks.  Multiplying like bunnies.

I think it is normal as humans to want answers.  When we persist in question marks, it feels like when the chairlift stops for a very long time and you are left with your ski-laden feet hanging midair.  At first, the ride on the chairlift felt liberating, but now you feel stuck and suspended in space and time.  Your ankles and knees throb, and you long to be on solid ground again.

Sometimes, when I am feeling like I need answers, I shoot a text to someone for advice or sit and talk with someone or google different things. Jobs, schools, dating advice, budgets, internships, tips, stories, blogs, lists, reviews, etc. etc.  I am searching for the answers to my questions in so many places, holding to good shreds of advice and tossing out bad bits.

But what is hilarious to me is that I know someone who knows every single answer to every single question, and not just the generic questions but the questions pertaining to Erica Lee and the chairlift she thinks isn't moving. AND I still sometimes avoid asking him.  Or I ask him last.  Or I assume he won't answer.

So I resort to all my other resources to get their best guesses instead of the answers.
It takes me so long to just go to God with my questions sometimes.

Does anyone else do that?  Would we think it was silly if we asked everyone else besides the expert in the room?  But I do that constantly.

And so, this week I want to bring all my questions directly to the source of all wisdom everyday.  Spend some time listening.  Praise him regardless.  If I ask you for advice, will you point me to him?  Will you remind me that he doesn't always answer when I think he should?

God, you are my father in heaven who knows all the answers.  You know all of me and who you created me to be, and you love me.  You know every why and every because.  You see my whole life.  You ask me to trust you when I don't get an answer right away, but you also ask me to ask you, to come to you and come to you first.  You tell me there is humility in not knowing.  But I have such little faith.  Increase my faith.